Now that I'm working less hours, I'm enjoying occasionally watching The Jeremy Kyle Show and laughing at the dysfunctional trailer-trash learning about the lives of those less fortunate than myself.

Here are some of the valuable lessons I've learned:

1. DNA results are all-important. :yes:

2. Never listen to hearsay. :no:

3. Have the DNA test done before the little bastard the child is a year old.

4. It's probably not good idea to have sex with your mother's/
father's/sister's/brother's partner or ex-partner (even if you think you have their permission).

5. The lie detector test is not 100% accurate, and not nearly so accurate as the shifty look in someone's eyes just before the result is read out. :lalala:

6. You should get off your arse and get a job and face up to your responsibilities.

7. Smoking cannabis makes you paranoid. :crazy:

8. One Thing Leads To Another (especially when pissed/stoned/
completely wazzucked). ;D

9. Graham Stainer is A Miracle Worker.

10. It's Jeremy's show.