The Oracle Is In

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The Oracle Is In

by sallyontour ^Pro @ 03/07/2007 – 09:49:35

This morning I'm feeling particularly benevolent and so just for a short while I'm willing to answer your questions on Life, The Universe, and Everything.

There will be no charge for this service, as I am anticipating that most of you may subsequently want your money back.

Off you go then, ask me anything and I will endeavour to answer (where this is possible without the necessity of goat entrails, of course - my office is messy enough).

No smuttiness please.

Depending on whichever Spirit Guide is assisting me, I may answer in a regional accent.
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19 Comments on The Oracle Is In

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- TheBozzer
- 03/07/2007 @ 09:55:52
Excellent! Now, an easy one to start. Just what is the meaning of life, Sal?
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- hazgeoff
- http://www.flickr.com/photos/thegrinch/
- 03/07/2007 @ 10:10:41
I already know the answer, it's 42 still don't know the bloody question.
- - LandersUK ^Pro
  - 03/07/2007 @ 12:29:26
  The question is "What is six times seven?"
  - - sallyontour ^Pro
    - 03/07/2007 @ 13:23:43
    Rainbow Dolphinbotherer speaks:
    
    "Actually, de answer ter de quesshun what is six toimes sairven is not 42 at all at all at all, but in fact six, eg 6 x 7 = 4 + 2 = 6. It's called numberology or some such, so it is, to be sure."
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- deleted user (Visitor)
- 03/07/2007 @ 10:19:59
Is all time now?
what are you using? crystal ball, tarot, tea leaves,runes,...sigh lost myself there.
Ok my actual question is why are we here?
- - sallyontour ^Pro
  - 03/07/2007 @ 10:44:47
  I'm using anything that comes to hand, Mermaid dear, but mostly my three Spirit Guides (Rainbow Dolphinbotherer, Chief Running Nikes and Beryl Reid) and the Holy Cruet of Glastonbury.
  - - deleted user (Visitor)
    - 03/07/2007 @ 12:02:58
    wow impressive your guides are bigger than mine
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- sallyontour ^Pro
- 03/07/2007 @ 10:33:56
This question assumes that life has a meaning. My experience indicates not.

Why are we here? Because we are.

It's a tricky question, which may be interpreted in different ways. If you are referring to the significance of life, ie the relationship between 'us' and the Universe, it should be borne in mind that significance only exists within human and some animal minds, and is therefore subjective and an emotional function of the brain, so in fact impossible to exist outside of a human beings's thoughts and feelings.

If you mean your life in particular then the most likely answer is that you are here to procreate and keep the whole human race going, provide a sentient being for the wife to moan at, put out spiders, and to be there with an open cheque book whenever your children need a loan.

If, however, you are referring to the life of the Universe, then Douglas Adams (with whom I share a birthday) said: "There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened."

Those familiar with 'The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy' will know that the answer to the Big Question of Life, The Universe and Everything is 42, although a few sad geeks have challenged this. They reckon the answer is 54. They should get out more.

Most quantum physicists agree that the Question and Answer to the meaning of life are probably mutally exclusive.

Confused yet? No? Then read this

Next!
- - deleted user (Visitor)
  - 03/07/2007 @ 12:06:22
  I think I need a lie down
  Quantum reality, yes I believe in that, I keep looking and it all dissapears, usually under the couch.
  Gosh your wise, are you channeling as well?
  - - sallyontour ^Pro
    - 03/07/2007 @ 12:13:31
    Haven't channelled yet today, but my guides are raring to go, especially Rainbow who has gone to a lot of trouble and put her best occult jewellery on specially.
    
    Beryl's having a bit of a snooze, as she's in character as Sister George at the moment.
    
    The Chief has retired to his tipi for lunch, and since Rainbow is dying for a pee I'll take this opportunity to grab a sandwich. Back in a trice, whatever that is.
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- - hazgeoff
  - http://www.flickr.com/photos/thegrinch/
  - 03/07/2007 @ 13:52:09
  just read that going for a lie down now nurse me head.
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- joebangles
- 03/07/2007 @ 11:04:35
My question sal is very simple, Will I or wont I?

After that will you address the second question, Should I or shouldn't I?
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- sallyontour ^Pro
- 03/07/2007 @ 11:40:41
This is obviously a job for the Holy Cruet.

Whilst holding the Querent's question in my mind's eye, I accidentally-on-purpose knock over the Holy Cruet. The answer may be divined in the following manner:

Salt is spilled - the answer is Yes.

Pepper is spilled - the answer is No.

If nothing is spilled, the Cruet has deemed that it is not appropriate to ask the question.

If the vinegar is inadvertently knocked over, then the Querent will have to wait a week before asking the question again. This is not for any metaphysical reason, I just don't like the smell.

So now to answer Joe's first question ....

Yes you will, if the Gods see fit.

And in answer to his second question ...

Ooh, I wouldn't, not if I were you.
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- LandersUK ^Pro
- 03/07/2007 @ 12:32:27
Why?
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- sallyontour ^Pro
- 03/07/2007 @ 12:45:09
There are two possible answers here:

(a) Why not?
(b) Because.

However, since answer (a) ultimately leads to answer (b), the answer is therefore (b).
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- sallyontour ^Pro
- 03/07/2007 @ 13:04:59
A little about my Spirit Guides:

Rainbow Dolphinbotherer, a New Age High Priestess from Swindon, met an untimely end when she inadvertently set fire to her ceremonial robes whilst leaping over the Bel Fire in her council flat, contravening her ASBO. To be honest, she's not much use as a guide, but she does scare off the elementals. She likes to affect an Irish accent, thinking it more ethereal.

Chief Running Nikes was, as his tribal tradition dictates, named after the first thing his mother was aware of as he emerged from her womb, being the disappearing shoes of his natural father. Although misfortune dogged him for most of his time on the earthly plane, he appreciates that he was a damn sight luckier than his brothers, Two-Dogs-Humping and Unnaturally-Large-Placenta.

Beryl Reid was a British character actress of stage and screen. A fine method actor, she is often herself possessed by the spirits of the fine comedic characters she created, most notably naughty schoolgirl Monica and the Brummie teddy-girl, Marlene.

Questions may be directed to any of the above, who are quite frankly bored and would appreciate having something to do.
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- intothedark
- 03/07/2007 @ 18:11:05
If I'm looking to be found
and there is noone around
am I really lost at all?

If I feel that I'm in need
but have no friend indeed
is there anything that I want?
- - sallyontour ^Pro
  - 04/07/2007 @ 10:54:08
  Beryl Reid, now possessed by Marlene, has a message for you:
  
  "Yaowm is surrounded by yaour spireet goides an' angils what wetch over yaouw.
  
  Yow jist wants ter open yaour third oi a bit.
  Goo on - gie it a goo!
  
  Yaouw cud get a hobbay, so that yaouw can meet noo frinds, 'oo abart archery? Yaouw loooks like yaouw'ood mek a bostin warrior, then if anyboday gave yaouw beef yaouw cud jist put holes in them."
  - - intothedark
    - 04/07/2007 @ 18:26:46
    True insights indeed oh brummied oracle, true insights indeed!
    :0)
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