To the zealot - please note: I do not want to be saved. Those who want religion are free to go find it, but I neither need nor want someone else's beliefs rammed down my throat. I don't want you to knock on my door early on a Saturday morning to ask me an "important question". Quite frankly, I have better things to do. Like sleep. Nor do I need you to shout from your soapbox that I am a sinner. I don't happen to believe in the concept of sin. So what you are saying makes no sense to me.

Let's get one thing straight. I follow a path which is commonly labelled 'pagan'. This does not mean I worship the devil or dance in the nuddy (well, ok, I might do that, but by appointment only). For one thing, the devil is a Christian invention, so it makes no sense to worship the devil unless you believe in a Christian God.

Another accusation levelled at pagans is that we are "dabbling in things we don't understand". Well, we are not dabbling and we do understand. And it is only because we do understand that you haven't been turned into a frog. Got it?

At the moment my goat is particularly got by the Scientologists, who swarm New Street in Birmingham posing as "chuggers" and asking any likely victims if they have ever had a 'stress test'. I delight in pointing out that the only thing currently causing me stress is trying to avoid the underhand tactics of barking mentalists who are trying to lure me into their loony sect. Harsh, maybe. Rude, even. But by the fifth time I've been asked in one lunch hour (and sometimes by the same person) I am starting to lose my rag.

One day, when faced with the 'stress test' question I will say "no". I predict that their next ploy will be to offer me a free one, whereupon I bet I will almost certainly be told I am stressed and offered a place at a workshop. Whether they will, by this stage, have disclosed that they are Scientologists I do not know, but I would hazard a guess that they would keep this quiet until they are quite confident their prey has taken the bait.

Don't for a second imagine that I would deny anyone's right to worship whatever particular God/Goddess/Space Alien they wanted. I respect everybody's right to choose or, if you like, be chosen. I'm just not interested in hearing about it. If I want to know I will ask.

So please don't patronise me by telling me you have my best interests at heart. My own belief system is working for me, thank you very much, and if that means I'm damned, I don't care. Now b****r off and leave me alone.